First Date

Part I

Because It's Christmas...

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Everyone Should Feel Special on Christmas...

On Christmas day, Santa comes home feeling extra grotesque due to his massive consumption of sugary treats. He use to cry, and binge, and call Richard Simmons to complain about how unfair life is... that is, until Mrs. Clause started the Christmas-Morning-Tradition of having Santa do something that makes him feel pretty again... make porn.

Isn't that how all the great porn stars get started?

Complexities of Love

Ms. Pac-Man had no idea why Mr. Pac-Man always had her going through all kinds of mazes to win his love.

It would be nice if someone informed her, that even with all the make-up, Mr. Pac-Man sees her as nothing more that what she really is... a fat chick with no boobs.

Belated Thanksgiving

I did not post all last week as I was on Thanksgiving vacation and therefore away from my post-it filled desk.

As is such, I neglected to do one of those requisite Thanksgiving posts wherein I wish all a good holiday and then say what I'm thankful for, both of which I will do now.

So, without further adieu:

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful that my family is not vegetarian and skews on the not normal side.

Bears!

When he was younger, Johnny both habitually peed in the bed and slept with a teddy bear named "Teddy".

When the nuclear war came and Teddy was both brought to life and made gigantic, well... Teddy let Johnny know he was not cool with all the urine.

iPods, Women & Talent

Deaf people don't like iPods.

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Jamie graduated Magna Cum Laude from an Ivy league school and is a high-power executive at a Fortune 500 company, with excellent benefits and beach-front property in 6 different countries. That's right! Quite a catch!

Except... Jamie is also a dude.

So... there's that.

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Why?

Because I'm THAT talented. That's why.